Not Into Sex

My husband and I fought a majority of the morning. Eventually I left the house to sit in the car, and the text messages came in moments later.

Of course his words came like a knife and I played into the game for a minute or two, encouraging him to get it all out. Whatever was driving us into the depths of hell. But it gets real, really quick doesn't it? Something comes up that you could never prepare yourself for. Something that floods your veins with pain.

Today it was the topic of sex. The accusation was that I pretend to be attracted to my husband. I pretend to be want to have sex. He went on to say that I hate having sex with him and that I tolerate it. Then the words I never thought he'd say: "You aren't actually in love with me, and I know it,"

For being less than seven months married, I'm sure any outsider would be worried, seriously worried for us. And I wouldn't disagree. I am unsure of the future, I am unsure of what my husband and I will go through. But no matter what happens, I will hold onto two truths. The first is that God loves both of us immeasurably, and the second is that he brought us together for reasons beyond my understanding.

In this season, yes, I would say I'm not into sex. I love my husband and I am attracted to him. I do wonder though if I am believing a lie about myself or about sex that's hindering my hormones. I don't wake up and want to have sex. I don't go to bed and want to have sex. I don't spend my time thinking about it either. So when he does, what should I do? Deny him and his desire?

I don't look at my husband, as I looked at him when he was my boyfriend. We are into a new realm of reality and we're walking through life together in a new way, serving one another.


Reading through 1 Corinthians 7 many of Gods words come to light:

• Marriage is strong enough to contain sexual drives
• The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality
• Marriage is a decision to serve others
• Abstaining from sex is permissible if both agree to it but only for short times
• God gives the gift of married life
• If you are married, stay married
• Don't wish, ever, that you were someplace else or with someone else
• Where you are, right now, is God's place for you
• Live and obey, love and believe
• It is really important to obey God's call and follow him commandments
• Don't slip back into being or doing what everyone else tells you
• Keep life simple; deal as sparingly as possible with the things the world thrusts on you
• Live as free of complications as possible
• We need to be spending plenty of time together with the Master without a lot of distractions

More of God from Ephesians 5

• Watch what God does and then do it
• God mostly loves, and he doesn't love in order to get something but to give everything of himself 
• Be thankful
• The good, the right, the true- those are the appropriate actions
• Be courteously relevant to one another
• As a wife, understand and support your husband in ways that show your support for Christ
• In addition submit to your husband
• Become "one flesh"
• Wives honor your husband

In studying through these versus, and reading through other peoples opinions regarding sex and marriage here what I've heard from the Holy Spirit:

1. I've got to honor my husband and be thankful for the ways he supports and loves me. I will honor him by:

- Spending time with God each morning and pray for our marriage
- Reminding myself to take my thoughts captive

- Asking for forgiveness first

- Sending an encouraging text message everyday to him 

- Picking up both of our things when cleaning the house

- Trusting that my husband has my best interest in mind 

- Trusting that God is teaching my husband how to love me and show support

2. I'm going to continue having sex with my husband and pray about my sexual desire. I will pursue this part of our marriage by:

- Looking into alternative methods of birth control

- Making an appointment to talk with doctor

- Reading through tolovehonorandvaccum.com blog posts regarding 29 Days to Great Sex
- Communicate with my husband when things feel good and don't feel good
- Take my thoughts captive

3. I need to treat being married to my husband as a gift everyday. I will do this by:

- Kissing him every morning either in bed or before I leave for the day

- Waking him up softly

- Making a meal for him when making one for myself

- Cleaning up after him when cleaning up after myself, treating the opportunity as a privilege 

4. I will seek to live free of complications and stop fretting about things that the world or my upbringing thrusts on me. I will do this by:

- Recognizing when feelings of anxiety arise, speaking out about those feelings, and then praying

- Continually praying to God about unhealthy expectations/desires regarding our home/relationship

- Giving up control and placing my trust in God

God, thank you for the gift of marriage. Thank you for bringing Timothy and I together. Continue to forgive me for not staying true to your word and not believing in your promises all the time. Guide my heart into a place of humility and honor. I want to be honoring and respectful to my husband. Lord you are good, and I know that your are the glue holding Timothy and I together. Don't give up on us. I love him and I want to do what you do Lord. I want to love well. May we reconcile this afternoon, and move forward in an appropriate way, leaving no bricks in between us in our marriage.